15 Things Every Man Does

Here are 15 repugnant, reprehensible, and just plain gross things (almost) every guy has done when no one was watching. We don’t condone these actions, but we might as well accept them.

1. Peeing in the Shower
You’ve done it. So have your friends—and your dad. Every human being you know has taken a whiz in the shower. When nature calls, you simply have to answer it.

2. Taking Pride in Your Poop
After a bowl-filling, feet-off-the-ground deuce, sometimes you just have to take a good look at the product of your hard work. Maybe you’ve even sent a photo to a demented buddy.

3. Smelling Your Own Bad Breath
What’s the first thing you do after you check your breath and realize it’s rotten? You check it again.

4. Leaving a Public Restroom without Washing Your Hands
You know where your penis has been—and who’s had their hands on it. You can’t say the same for those faucet handles or paper towel dispensers.

5. Flipping Through an Us Weekly
Your wife leaves them everywhere, and it’s not like you’ve taken some kind of macho, no-celeb-rags oath. Bonus honesty points if you admit to knowing every member of the Kardashian clan—and who each one is dating.

6. Eating Food off the Floor
This is seemingly nasty, but potentially healthy.  

7. Farting in a Crowded Room
You’re so used to holding it in. Realizing no one could pin it on you is one of life’s simple, supreme joys.

8. Masturbating in a Public Restroom
Okay, you hopefully haven’t done it since you were a horny teenager. But if you have done this, please don’t do it anymore. A little self-restraint builds character.

9. Having a Conversation with Someone while Erect
Hey, boners happen. You can’t just put your life on hold if one decides to spring up during an all-staff meeting.

10. Popping Zits
Dermatologists say it’s a bad idea. But is anything quite so satisfying?

11. Biting Your Lip, Eating the Results
You can’t help chewing your lips from time to time, especially if they’re chapped. Swallowing whatever you’ve nibbled off? That’s practically a reflex.

12. Adjusting Your Junk (Then Smelling Your Hand)
It’s a hot day, and your scrotum and thigh are starting to meld. It’s totally understandable to adjust. Maybe not so understandable: giving your fingers a sniff.

13. Tossing Toenails
You don’t even realize you’re doing it. But your foot is in your lap and you’ve just flicked a newly shorn nail onto the floor of your girlfriend’s apartment. Whoops.

14. Yanking Out Nose Hairs
It hurts so good.

15. Picking Your Nose
Dislodging a whopper is so wonderfully cathartic you’ve probably wished you could put it back and relive the magic. Don’t..)
 
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